Why vote 3rd party? It sends a message that we demand quality candidates from the two big political parties. The biggest question for the voter should be which political candidate is the greatest, not which is the least worse. The two big political parties have sunk to astonishing lows, offering us the choice between two decrepit politicasters of truly epic horribleness. Why every election are we increasingly forced to guess between the least grotesque of two gargoyles? This is a terrible burden to put on the voters. Our amazing system perseveres despite the executive (and congressional) rot, but history and nature tells us it can’t continue forever. Even the best institutions, like the best athletes, require continuous health maintenance. We need an NIST/ISO standard for political candidate quality. A ranked voting system, mandatory voting, and a political aptitude test for candidates are only some ideas for reforming the system currently calibrated for promoting corrupt, senescent clowns.